NARRATOR: 2 LINES
GOD: 30 LINES
TIME TRAVELER 1 (TT1): 11 LINES
TIME TRAVELER 2 (TT2): 7 LINES
TIME TRAVELER 3 (TT3): 11 LINES
TIME TRAVELER 4 (TT4): 9 LINES
EVERYONE: 4 LINES
SETTING: Friday night at 5PM on top of a mountain
NARRATOR: Welcome to Time Travel Shabbat! Hold tight, because tonight we are going to travel way, way, way, waaaay back. For the next few minutes, suspend your beliefs and disbeliefs… because we’re going back to the tippy top of a high mountain… to the first Shabbat ever!
TT1: Hey, who are you?
GOD: Hmm. I don’t know. No one’s ever asked me that before. Come to think of it, no one’s ever asked me anything before. I guess you can call me “God.”
TT1: Well… okay, but why “God?”
GOD: “God” has a nice ring to it, don’tcha think? Kind of like Cher, Madonna, Bono, Prince…
TT3 (IN A FRANTIC VOICE): Sure, whatever, we’ll call you God, but that doesn’t seem to be the most important detail at this very moment, because… WHERE ARE WE, AND WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?
GOD: How am I supposed to know? I was just minding my own business, enjoying a little rest, and poof, here you are!
TT2: He’s right, ya’ know. We are the ones who decided to time travel.
TT3: Yeah, but I thought we’d travel to, like, George Washington cutting down the cherry tree or Woodstock, or the invention of peanut butter – you know, something safer? But here we are standing on THE TOP OF SOME FREEZING COLD MOUNTAIN WAY THE HECK ABOVE THE CLOUDS!
GOD: Oh, do you like them?
TT3 (SOUNDING STRESSED): Do I like what?
GOD: These mountains. I just made ‘em. They even have that new mountain smell. They started off as molehills… Actually, never mind. I just realized I hadn’t created moles yet so the phrase doesn’t make any sense. Yup, these mountains, I just made ‘em. This week. At least I think it’s a week? It’s hard to keep track when you’re infinite and the watch hasn’t been invented yet. Anyway, they’re new. Everything is new.
TT4: What are you talking about?
GOD: I guess I should back up. It’s been a pretty crazy week. I need a drink. Is there wine yet? I mean, I have done some SERIOUS renovations on this place. I should have filmed it all for HGTV. Where’s Ty Pennington when you need him? You should have seen it before I created the Heavens and the Earth. Sooooo dull.
TT1: So, what did you do?
GOD: Oy, where to start? Well, first there was Creation. I made everything come into being… the Heavens… the Earth… the oceans… the mountains…
TT3: Like the one we could fall from at any second? In case you guys haven’t figured it out, I’m terrified of heights….
GOD: You’ll be fine. You’re here with the Ruler of the Universe. El Numero Uno. I got you. This is a really nice mountain, by the way. I think I’ll call it… “Everest.”
TT4: You were saying…
GOD: Oh, yeah. So, the Heavens and the Earth part, that was Creation – before Day One.
TT1: That was before Day One?
GOD: Yup, but the thing is, I couldn’t see anything. It was all darkness, and, well, this is a little embarrassing, but I’m scared of the dark. So I said, “Let there be light!” And there was light!
TT3: Great story. Now can we please get off this mountain?
TT1: Are you kidding? No! I want to hear more. What about Day Two?
GOD: Well, on Day Two, I made the sky.
TT2: Wait – I thought you had already made Heaven?
GOD: Yeah, but that’s different from the sky. To make the sky, I had to create a barrier between the water on the ground and the moisture in the air, so that you people would have atmosphere.
TT2: Wow – that sounds like a lot of work!
GOD: You’re telling me! And I had to draw it all by hand – no Photoshop yet. And too bad Red Bull wouldn’t be around for almost 6,000 years, ‘cuz the whole thing was exhausting!
TT4: This is crazy! All of it! I don’t even believe in God.
GOD: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. LIKE I ALWAYS DO. But keep listening… you may enjoy my story.
TT4: Okay, fine… keep going.
GOD: So, on Day Three I had to put all this stuff into some kind of shape. Because it was a big ol’ swirling mess. A lot like what’s going on in Washington right now.
TT1: Speaking of which, how did you let that happen?
GOD: Hey, I give you the ingredients. It’s up to you to cook the dinner. Don’t even get me started. So anyway, I got the water all together to form oceans and rivers and lakes— and then I made the water stop at the land, and the earth to form continents. Oh, I almost forgot, on the third day I also made plants, trees and flowers. But I didn’t want to have to keep doing it, so I gave every plant seeds so they could reproduce without my having to micromanage everything. I mean this was well thought out. What do you think? Bumblebees pollenating peach trees just happens?
TT3: You’re, like, smart.
TT4: Uh, ya think? He’s God.
GOD: Anyway, from what I’ve seen, you humans have made a huge mess of the environment, and a lot of the plants and animals I created went extinct. Which is super-annoying because I had everything planned so perfectly!
TT2: Our bad about messing up nature. I mean, not us specifically, but humans in general. We are not all respectful of your handiwork. Sorry. Go on.
GOD: Okay, Day Four…. This was a big one. I made the sun, the moon and the stars.
TT1: Wait – the sun? I thought you already made light on the first day.
TT4: Stop bothering him with details.
GOD: No, it’s OK. I get that question a lot. Let’s just say, the whole light versus sun thing… it’s beyond human understanding. No offense.
TT3: None taken… I guess.
GOD: Anyway, as I was saying… I made the sun. But I didn’t want it to shine constantly. So that’s why I made the moon. And I had the earth rotate so you’d see one and then the other… that’s how the whole “day and night” thing happened. I also invented months, years and seasons. Day Four was hella-busy.
TT1: I’ll say. Was that it? Or were there other creation days?
GOD: Were there other days? Of course there were. You’re here, right?
TT2: Oh, yeah.
GOD: Did you ever have a pet goldfish?
TT1: Yes. We called her “Britney.” Why?
GOD: Day Five! That’s when I made the fish and all the other water creatures. And also birds. I made hundreds of birds. All sizes and colors. That was an awesome day! I would have kept going, but the sun went down, so I went to sleep and the next day…
TT2: Wait, I know… us!
GOD: Yup! On Day Six, I made you! Well, first, I made all the other animals: Mice, zebras, orangutans, wolves, leopards… the whole megillah. Then I made humans! I gave you all the power to think, to reason, to speak and to run things. The jury is still out on whether or not that was such a good idea!
TT1: I’ll say! Do you know what’s going on these days?
TT3: Shhh! He’ll be so disappointed!
TT4: I’m sure He knows.
GOD: Yes, I know. And yes, I am disappointed. But I gave you humans the power to think for a reason.
TT4: So we could invent Flaming Hot Cheetos and YouTube?
GOD: Not exactly.
TT3: Ugh, this is all too much for me. I’m exhausted.
GOD: Thanks for reminding me! That’s the most important part!
EVERYONE: What do you mean?
GOD: After all that creation, I was EXHAUSTED! Totally wiped out, in fact. I really needed to rest. Hello, Canyon Ranch? Room for one. The One actually. But it was bigger than that. I was happy with all the work I did, so I said “This is good,” and I stopped working! Done! Finished! Not forever though. I called my rest, “Shabbat,” which essentially means “to rest” in Hebrew. I stopped fixing rivers and inventing animals or doing any work. I completely chillaxed. I didn’t even check my email!
TT4: You didn’t have email!
GOD: Resting restores me to get myself ready for the week ahead. It’s the most special time of the entire week! If I had family and friends, I’d hang out with them on Shabbat.
TT2: We’ll be your friends! Some of us even call you “Father!”
GOD: Aww, that’s nice. Thank you! But, Mother is fine too. I’m a feminist. Actually, I answer to anything. Except dude—I have to draw the line somewhere.
TT3: Yup, when I get off this mountain, which can’t come soon enough, I will always remember that Shabbat is important… and to take the time to rest, enjoy my family and friends, and take a break from my busy life!
TT1: Oh really?
TT3: Absolutely. We all will. But now, we need to get back to dinner. See ya, God!
NARRATOR: And so, the Time Travelers left the mountain and headed back to enjoy their dinner, which delighted Time Traveler No. 3, to say the least.
EVERYONE: Shabbat Shalom!
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