The High Holidays ask us to take an honest look at ourselves. This moving reflection explores the fear, hope, uncertainty, and courage that come with personal growth, reminding us that showing up as we are may be the most important step toward change.
Here I am.
A little bit nervous, a bit self-conscious.
After all, who am I talking to?
And what have I done?
Am I a sinner in search of grace or
a saint seeking salvation?
Am I so evil
or so good
as to warrant this season of introspection?
And yet here it is, and here I am:
this time of change and correction,
this heart of confusion and contrition.
Oh, if I could change!
If I could be so sure of myself
that I no longer had to imagine the slights of others;
to be so loving of myself
that I no longer had to ration my loving of others;
to be so bold with myself
that I no longer had to fear the bravery of others.
Oh, if I could change
there is so much I would change.
Maybe I will, but it scares me so.
Maybe I won’t and that should scare me more.
But it doesn’t.
So let me pray just this:
Let no one be put to shame because of me.
Wouldn’t that make this a wonderful year?
Heenaynee -Here I am!
-Rabbi Rami M. Shapiro