I HAVE two kids. Both are away at college.
I have ﬁve television sets (I like to think of them as a set of ﬁve televisions).
I have two DVR boxes, three DVD players, two VHS machines and four stereos.
I have nineteen remote controls, mostly in one drawer.
I have three computers, four printers and two non-working faxes.
I have three phone lines, three cell phones and two answering machines.
I have no messages. I have forty-six cookbooks.
I have sixty-eight takeout menus from four restaurants.
I have one hundred and sixteen soy sauce packets.
I have three hundred and eighty-two dishes, bowls, cups, saucers, mugs and glasses.
I eat over the sink.
I try to keep a positive view.
I have two refrigerators.
It’s very hard to count ice cubes.
I have forty-one 37-cent stamps.
I have no 2-cent stamps.
I read three dailies, four weeklies, ﬁve monthlies and no annual reports.
I have ﬁve hundred and six CD, cassette, vinyl and eight-track recordings.
I listen to the same radio station all day.
I have one hundred and eighty-four thousand frequent ﬂier miles on six airlines,
three of which no longer exist.
I have “101 Dalmatians” on tape.
I have fourteen digital clocks ﬂashing relatively similar times.
I have nine armchairs from which I can be critical.
I have a laundry list of this that need cleaning.
I have lost more than one thousand golf balls.
I am missing thirty-seven umbrellas.
I have over four hundred yards of dental ﬂoss.
I have two kids coming home for Thanksgiving.
Why make an account and save your favorite JewBelong stuff? Because someday Jack is going to get off his ass and pop the question and you’re going to get to plan that wedding you've been thinking about since third grade.
Because why use any of your precious brain cells to remember where you kept those great readings that you’ll use someday at Jeffrey’s B Mitzvah? Make an account, keep the readings there. Easy peasy. The only thing you’ll need to remember is your password, and from personal experience that’s hard enough.
Hey, can you watch the phones on Friday? We have a thing.